With everything in Jordin's life looking up, and the suddenness of Terence's suicide, I thought the book was on it's way to the end.
I thought Terence's death would be enough for Jordin to spiral so far into darkness that he had to wake up or die. But I was wrong. As I read a little bit further, I realized it was only a stepping stone to Jordin's decent.
Jordin didn't feel the pain of suddenly losing his brother. He went numb. Pain would've made him reevaluate. Pain would've shocked him into thinking that maybe, just maybe it was booze that killed his brother and that he should stop.
But he went numb. He just felt lost so heart-breakingly lost that he drank more to numb the pain. His partying got more intense and so did his drinking. I thought Terence's words in his note would've made Jordin want to honour him and clean up enough to play to his fullest potential. They didn't. I thought maybe, just maybe, Terence's memory at least could pull Jordin out of his dangerous spiral downward. But that memory made him drink more. All he wanted was to forget. Forget the numb, forget his brother's expectations, forget that he might fail Terence again after he ha failed him so terribly the first time.
Jordin didn't want to be a good hockey player or to go the distance, not even for Terence. He wanted to forget.
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