Throughout the story we really get to know the type of person Terrence is through Jordins eyes. No seriously, he talks about him a lot! On almost every page, there is a mention of Terrence, up to this point at least. Terrence was Jordins big brother, his role model and his best friend. The brothers left home at a young age, though they were usually in different places, they always stayed in contact. They would talk every night and when they did get together Terrence always looked out for him. Terrence always made sure Jordin went to school when Jordin was younger and they got a chance to live together. He was the strong one, that looked after the family and sent money home to his parents. When they were children and being verbally and physically abused Terrence tried to take the blame, instead of Jordin. When there dad would go on a Bender Terrence would be the one to go find him.
Why am I telling you all this? I want you to see how the Tootoo family viewed Terrence. He was strong and independent, he was always there when someone needed him, he was the golden child and a role model to so many people; including his younger brother Jordin. However there is one significant problem with being viewed as the “strong” one. You don't want to put your problems on others because you’re the “strong” one. You don't want people to see you as weak, because you’re the “strong” one that everyone depends on. This leads to the strong person feeling like they never have anyone to talk to, then it's just a downward spiral to depression, and, if no one notices, suicide. Jordin said on pg. 100 “ I was with him until the bitter last hours before he took his life, and I never knew he was hurting inside because he never showed it.” That's the problem with strong people and people who hold up a brave front, you never know if there hurting. In the end suicide is selfish because know one ever knows why they did it or what they were thinking; they just blame themselves for not seeing the hurt in the person that took there life sooner.
I completely agree with how Jordin felt about Terence and why Terence did it and his role within the family. However, I am curious about how you think Jordin truly felt about Terence's suicide? With Terence being the one whom dealt with the family's problems and the one whom sent money to keep them quiet and the one whom calmed things down when do you think Jordin felt more obligated to take care of his family?
ReplyDeleteI believe that Terences thoughts and memories will still be an important factor in Jordins motivation, career and personal life. I also believe that he and his spirit will come up further in the book and still guide and take care of Jordin.
To me personally, suicide has never seemed selfish. You are leaving people behind, yes, but they are the ones who failed to notice the pain of the person who has contemplated it.
ReplyDeleteA recurring theme for people with suicidal thoughts is that they were never good enough.
To justify it, they are thinking to themselves, "Everyone would be better off if I died."
I've never met a suicidal person who thought, "Me dying is a great way to hurt other people."
Most suicidal people want to either stop the pain they themsves are feeling or stop the pain of others. There is not a single selfish thought going through their head, and most of the time, that's the problem. If they were a little more selfish, they may have found more to live for. I think if Terrence would have actually been selfish, he would've ignored Jordin after that night of the DUI. Bottled up the embarassment and forgotten about it because he had big things in the works and a future ahead. But he wasn't selfish.
To him, he had failed Jordin. Long before Jordin could even begin to contemplate his drinking problems, I think when Terrence got pulled over, in his drunken state, it clicked for him. He was going to be a drunk like his parents. He had failed Jordin.
That's what I imagine anyway. It could've been so much more than that, or something different entirely. But from what I know of people with suicidal thoughts or tendencies, it seems like it would be a good fit. He thought he had failed Jordin. And he decided he wouldn't fail anyone else. Not anymore.
You said it perfectly yourself:
"You don't want to put your problems on others because you’re the 'strong' one."
You're right. People who think about suicide or attempt it are usually the people we tell all of our problems to. They are people who will show up at 2 am to give you a ride home, even if you got them out of bed, even if it's a two hour drive there and back. They are the people who are caring and wise beyond their years and give the best advice. They give and give and give of themselves until it becomes expected. And once they start to feel rundown, people just keep on taking. No one notices. They give and give until it hurts and everyone just keeps taking. Until one day they're gone.
You suddenly don't have that support system anymore. It hurts you to have lost a friend, a brother, a sister, a parent, a cousin...but it hurts your subconscious more when you go to ask something of them, and they are no longer there.
"Why did he kill himself? That's the most selfish thing you can do."
I don't think suicide is selfish. I think people use it as a scape goat to unburden their own guilt of selfishness. And I noticed not once did Jordin say Terrence was selfish. That warmed my heart a little bit admist the sadness of the tragedy.
To me personally, suicide has never seemed selfish. You are leaving people behind, yes, but they are the ones who failed to notice the pain of the person who has contemplated it.
ReplyDeleteA recurring theme for people with suicidal thoughts is that they were never good enough.
To justify it, they are thinking to themselves, "Everyone would be better off if I died."
I've never met a suicidal person who thought, "Me dying is a great way to hurt other people."
Most suicidal people want to either stop the pain they themsves are feeling or stop the pain of others. There is not a single selfish thought going through their head, and most of the time, that's the problem. If they were a little more selfish, they may have found more to live for. I think if Terrence would have actually been selfish, he would've ignored Jordin after that night of the DUI. Bottled up the embarassment and forgotten about it because he had big things in the works and a future ahead. But he wasn't selfish.
To him, he had failed Jordin. Long before Jordin could even begin to contemplate his drinking problems, I think when Terrence got pulled over, in his drunken state, it clicked for him. He was going to be a drunk like his parents. He had failed Jordin.
That's what I imagine anyway. It could've been so much more than that, or something different entirely. But from what I know of people with suicidal thoughts or tendencies, it seems like it would be a good fit. He thought he had failed Jordin. And he decided he wouldn't fail anyone else. Not anymore.
You said it perfectly yourself:
"You don't want to put your problems on others because you’re the 'strong' one."
You're right. People who think about suicide or attempt it are usually the people we tell all of our problems to. They are people who will show up at 2 am to give you a ride home, even if you got them out of bed, even if it's a two hour drive there and back. They are the people who are caring and wise beyond their years and give the best advice. They give and give and give of themselves until it becomes expected. And once they start to feel rundown, people just keep on taking. No one notices. They give and give until it hurts and everyone just keeps taking. Until one day they're gone.
You suddenly don't have that support system anymore. It hurts you to have lost a friend, a brother, a sister, a parent, a cousin...but it hurts your subconscious more when you go to ask something of them, and they are no longer there.
"Why did he kill himself? That's the most selfish thing you can do."
I don't think suicide is selfish. I think people use it as a scape goat to unburden their own guilt of selfishness. And I noticed not once did Jordin say Terrence was selfish. That warmed my heart a little bit admist the sadness of the tragedy.